


Multiplicity

by m_findlow



Category: Torchwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 01:15:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13400334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_findlow/pseuds/m_findlow
Summary: Torchwood has a serious pet problem.





	Multiplicity

When Tosh came into the hub early, Jack already had a surprise waiting for her on a nearby desk.

There were two small cages, and in each was a small furry creature, light brown and about the size of a furby, and very similar in appearance. She almost did a double take, checking to see that Jack wasn't playing a practical joke on her by putting toys in cages and passing them off as aliens.

'Are they real?' she asked, bending down to peer closer at them.

'Of course they're real. They're called Snippilites.'

'They're very cute,' she said. 'Do they bite or something?' she said, referring to the separate cages.

'No, they just need a bit of personal space from one another. They're harmless.'

He opened the hatch on the top of one of the cages and pulled it out, letting her hold it in her arms. It cooed and purred when she stroked its fur.

'Aw, I think I likes you,' Jack beamed.

She cuddled it for a little while longer, just until Owen and Suzie lobbed in. Owen brushed off the cuteness factor, trying to be manly about it, and Suzie gave them a disinterested look, before turning her attentions to something else Jack had picked up overnight from the rift. She'd always been far more interested in the technology side of things, in particular, weapons.

It wasn't long though before a rift alarm sent them all traipsing about town for the better part of the day, their new pets forgotten in the rush to prevent people from being strangled to death by possessed alien spaghetti.

When finally they trudged back into the hub very late, Owen and Suzie quickly made their goodnights and left. Jack also bid Tosh goodnight, off to shower himself from the inordinate amount of pasta sauce he'd managed to get covered in, having had a brawl with the alien leader of the spaghetti invasion.

Tosh looked around, trying to tidy things up before she called it a day, and saw the two Snippilites in their cages looking sad and despondent.

Poor things, she thought, they're probably starving and they look miserable, having been stuck here alone all day. Rather than wait for Jack to reappear, as he often had a habit of disappearing at night on matters unknown, she simply opened up the top of the two cages, and bundled the furry critters into her oversized handbag and took them home with her. Surely she'd have something in her pantry or fridge that they could snack on, and a few cuddles wouldn't go astray either. She'd bring them back in the morning.

Back at her apartment, she dropped them both on her sofa and went to the fridge to inspect the contents. There was a bit of leftover salad greens, some broccoli, cheese, and a frozen lasagne. She discounted the lasagne, having had more than enough pasta for the day, and grabbed a few sweet biscuits and some cornflakes from the pantry.

The broccoli oddly went down a treat, as did a few strawberries and the cornflakes.

Afterwards, she played with them for a while, and watched as they chased each other around the room, making cute little noises and tumbling over one another. She carried them to bed and settled them down on the vacant side of her oversized bed. Why she'd ever bought a queen size mattress was beyond her. She never had anyone over, and couldn't remember the last time she'd been out for a drink, let alone a date.

The two Snippilites cuddled up on the bed and the three of them fell asleep.

At four am however, Tosh was woken by the sound of her phone going off. Jack had received a transmission from an alien source and the computer program couldn't decode it. Could she please come in straight away and look at it?

Brain still fuzzy from sleep, she managed a quick shower and put on whatever clothes she could find, not caring particularly whether they coordinated or not. In her haste to dress, she forgot about the two Snippilites who'd been sharing her bed. During the night they'd migrated to underneath her bed, so she didn't see them and remember that she'd brought them home with her.

She picked up her bag and her car keys and left.

In the end the message turned out to be pointless. It was nothing more than a message from a disgruntled wife telling him that he needed to pick up groceries on his way home from Delta Six Five.

'Poor guy,' Jack said. 'Never got the message and now he's going to be in all sorts with the missus.'

It wasn't until much later when Owen and Suzie once again arrived late, that anyone remembered about the Snippilites.

'Where are those two fuzz balls from yesterday?' Owen asked. 'Spose you'll be wanting me to examine them or something?'

Jack looked around, seeing the two empty cages and turned pale.

'Have they escaped?' Suzie asked. She didn't sound overly concerned.

'We absolutely have to find them, right now,' Jack insisted.

'What’s got your knickers in a knot? ' Owen complained. They’re just a couple of fur balls. What harm could they do?'

'You don’t understand. These things like to breed like crazy. The whole hub could be overrun in a matter of hours if they find a nice cosy place for some nookie.'

Uh oh, Tosh thought, feeling herself go pale. She knew she should fess up right now and admit that she knew exactly where they were, instead of letting the rest of the team go off on a mad, wild goose chase, searching the hub from top to bottom. Instead, she thought about how disappointed Jack would be with her, so she kept her mouth shut. She could fix this. And there was every chance that they might not have done anything; probably still fast asleep under her duvet.

'I’ll check the lower levels if you like,' she offered. 'I know them better than Owen and Suzie. I’m less likely to get lost down there.'

'Good idea,' Jack said. 'You two split up. Owen, take the main level. Suzie, you tackle the upper two levels. I’ll go and sweep the cells and the storage areas.'

Once they were all agreed to their plan of attack, Tosh made her way down to the lowest levels of the hub, before doubling back and sneaking out to the carpark. She was going to fix this. A quick trip home to collect the two Snippilites and back again. She could claim to have found them hiding in the deepest depths of the hub and no one would be any the wiser.

Back at her apartment block everything seemed quiet. That was until she unlocked the door. All over the floor there were dozens of Snippilites, crawling about, making cute little cooing noises.

'Oh my,' she exclaimed. How on earth had there come to be so many, so quickly?

She quickly shut the door before any of her neighbours saw, and before any of the Snippilites could escape.

She tiptoed gingerly across her living room, back to the bedroom where she'd left the original pair. They all looked pretty much the same, and yet she could still pick out the pair, huddled under the bed, surrounded by a half dozen much smaller ones. Newborns, she suspected. They saw her and cooed happily, as if pleased with their efforts.

There was no mistaking that things were now completely out of control. Any hopes of sweeping this under the rug were utterly dashed. She had to get the team over here.

She flipped on her earpiece. 'Jack?'

'What's up Tosh? Have you found them?'

'You could say that.'

'Well, grab them and bring them up here ASAP. Hopefully we caught them in time.'

'Or not,' she replied.

'They've mated? How many?'

She looked despondently around her once pristine apartment. 'A lot.'

'Where are you? We'll come to you.'

'Home,' she said, waiting for the hammer to fall.

'Sorry, I didn't catch that. It sounded like you said you were at home.'

'I did. They're not missing. I took them home last night and forgot to bring them back this morning.'

'You did what?' Jack said.

'I know. I'm sorry. I didn't realise. It was four am and they'd crawled under the bed where I didn't see them. They just looked so sad in their little cages, so I thought I'd take the home for the night and let them play with each other.'

'Bet they did more than play,' she heard Owen add.

'I'm really sorry,' she apologised again.

'Worry about sorry later. Right now we just need to get over there and capture them all.'

Owen and Suzie had their eyes nearly fall out of their skulls when they saw the furry invasion taking over Tosh's flat.

'Woah, I thought rabbits were bad,' Suzie said.

'Even you couldn't keep up that kind of pace, boss,' Owen smirked.

Jack had carried a box with him and began opening the top, revealing the contents to be a multitude of small hessian sacks, printed with Columbian coffee on the side. A friend down at the docks had owed him a favour, though thought it odd that he wanted only the bags and not the beans inside, pouring them out onto the floor, until he was told to stop. His friend had unfilled bags out the back. There was no need to waste good coffee.

'One in each bag until we've got them all,' he instructed.

They started gathering up the closest ones dropping each into the small sacks and tying them off with the drawstrings, accumulating them into a pile of squeaking captives. There must have been at least two hundred, and as the obvious ones began to dwindle, they began finding them hiding in more and more interesting places, including behind the sofa, inside wellingtons, on top of the fridge, and a couple trying to camouflage themselves in amongst a collection of stuffed toys.

Jack was in the laundry when he heard a loud squeaking. He pulled apart two that were going hammer and tong at it.

'Sex in a tumble dryer. That's a new one even for me,' he said, before splitting them into two bags, praying that the female wouldn't start giving birth inside the bag.

Back at the hub, they unloaded the boot full of small hessian sacks into a large crate.

'What are we supposed to do with them now?' Suzie asked. 'I'm guessing donating them to the local zoo isn't going to go down well. The whole of Wales will be overrun with the little buggers.'

'I'd say I know a friend who could take them but I haven't heard from him in years.'

He meant The Doctor of course, and by years, he actually meant decades. Fourteen decades, not that he was counting.

'Owen, do you suppose if I gave you one of the males to examine, you could figure out how to desex them?'

'Probably could.'

'Alright here you go,' he said reaching down into the crate, pulling out a bag and checking inside, making sure it had the right bits attached. 'Let me know how you get on.'

'Poor bastard,' Owen said, holding it up by its scruff. 'If I'm any good at my job, and I am, you're shagging days are over.'

'Tosh,' Jack said, 'a word in my office.'

Suzie he gave her a quick look that said she was in for it now, before tottering off, asking Owen where he wanted the rest of the furry captives put.

Tosh marched unhappily towards Jack's office, following him.

'Sit down,' he said.

'I'm really, really, sorry. If I'd known I never would have taken them.'

'I know. But we have rules about this sort of thing for a reason. What I can't fathom is why you didn't say something sooner.'

Tosh felt about nine years old, being hauled up before the principal to explain why was she hadn't lined up properly for class.

'I didn't want you to be disappointed in me.'

Jack cocked his head at head and said nothing for a moment. She waited there for the inevitable lecture and maybe a suspension, or worse, getting fired and retconned.

'Tosh, I'm not mad at you. I can't be. Well, no that's not true, I could be, but if I think of the long list of stupid things I've done over the years, well, it wouldn't be very fair for the pot to call the kettle black.

All I need you to understand is that not everything alien is safe, no matter how cute it might look. It's all fun and games until someone loses a hand. You need to understand that I have your best interests at heart, and theirs,' he said pointing out the window a the rest of the team and the crate full of furry procreators. 'You're far more brilliant than I will ever be, but there are some things I know more about, and you've just got to trust me on that.'

'I know. I just wanted to do something nice for them.'

'And that's very noble and encouraged. Just next time you feel the urge to be a model humanitarian, run it by me first, okay?'

'Okay.'

'Alright. Now, why don't you see if we can't get in touch with our friends from the Shadow Proclamation and see if they can't come and do us a courier service.'

A few days later, a ship arrived under the cloak of night to come and take the Snippilites to a quiet colony world where they could live out their days in peace. In the meantime, Owen had managed to desex all of the males so that at least the population would remain at its current levels, which included another eighty three born after they'd been picked up from Tosh's apartment, thanks to some very exhausted mothers and very randy fathers.

It breaks my heart that we just denied them their one pleasure and purpose in life,' Jack said, surveying the now more subdued critters.

'I know,' Owen agreed, 'I feel like hitting the town tonight to celebrate in their honour.'

'Men,' Suzie sighed, 'you're all the same.' Though she wouldn't admit it, she had her own plans for painting the town red tonight. She could do with a good shag.

Only Tosh would remain single and celebate tonight, and despite the chaos from three days ago, she now found her apartment very empty and lonely indeed.


End file.
